My husband and I just celebrated our first year of marriage on December 10th and let me tell you, I have learned a LOT. When you get engaged, it feels like everyone you know, whether they have been married or not, has advice and opinions to give you. For us, things were a lot more stressful because I did not want to get married right away when Lewis proposed. We had decided to try for a baby before he proposed which really upset our families, to say the least. At our wedding, we were told so much by many different people. “Don’t let your partner go to sleep angry.” “If it isn’t going to matter in 5 years don’t let it have a big impact.” Or my personal favorite, “The first year is the hardest.” It’s always an older couple that gives the advice like that. My grandmother always told me, in order to have a successful marriage, the three biggest things to agree on are sex, parenting, and money. I wholeheartedly agree with this. I also believe that communication is a BIG player in the game of marriage. I cannot count on two hands how many squabbles Lewis and I could have avoided had we both just opened up about what was bothering us.
One thing I love about Lewis is that he balances me out. He is so laidback and sweet whereas I am very high strung and a major overthinker. I encourage him to worry about things that are important, like changing the oil in our cars, and he encourages me to not think about things that aren’t important, like what if I wreck the car off a bridge and can’t get both kids out in time? My brain is wired to think about all of the bad juju according to Lewis and I would probably have ripped out all of my hair if it weren’t for him keeping me grounded.
Whenever you get married, fighting seems so silly but also more serious at the same time. There is also a whole new level of intimacy and romance. You get that “as long as we are together it doesn’t matter where we are” kind of vibe going and it is amazing. I love being married. I know that my husband has my back when it comes to anything and I have his. We are a team and it feels nice to not have to worry about whether or not there is gonna be someone on your side or not because there always is. Even when we argue there is intimacy. I can be fuming and all he has to do is hug me and the anger dissipates because nothing we have argued about so far is worth being upset during the time I have to spend with my best friend and partner. It is possible to argue and yet still be kind to one another. Kindness, in my opinion, is way more important than huge romantic gestures. I would rather Lewis hold my hand and tell me we are okay after a bad day then come home with flowers and chocolate.
Not much changes when you get married. Lewis and I are still the same geeky weirdos we were before marriage. We still have wrestling matches, chase each other around the house, and slip ice cubes down the backs of the other’s shirts when they aren’t paying attention. Don’t even get me started on our late night kitchen dance parties.
The first year of marriage really tests your ability to forgive and forget, support your spouse, and accept all their quirks and to also respect them. Sometimes, accepting their quirks is hard. Lewis likes to leave the lid off of his toothpaste and anything else he opens. I cannot tell you how many milk jugs we have almost had to throw out because he forgets to put the lid back on and put it in the fridge and then I come along and notice it. When people say that you need to really live with your partner before you commit to a marriage, they are right. Living with your partner before wedlock gives you time to get used to these quirks and habits and decide if you can bear them or not.
Once you get married, people begin to treat you as more of an adult. At least in my case. I was 19 when Lewis and I got married and he was 22. It seems as though being a grownup and being married are pretty much synonymous. My family is more prone to not question my life choices and things like that.
After I became married I pretty much lost all my friends. Granted, I also had a baby 5 months after we got married which probably helped scare them away. I have always been different though, while most girls my age were out sleeping around and partying it up, I was at home reading a book or drawing or something of the sort. So when the friends who only wanted me around so they had a designated driver or someone to hang out with when their first choices were busy, I wasn’t too concerned. Both getting married and having a baby will weed out the people not serious about standing by you but you gain so much once you start that chapter of your life. I would not trade my little family for anything in the world! 🙂