Your attitude can really affect the way you communicate with others and in a marriage communication is key. Having a bad attitude can affect your marriage in a negative way. If your attitude towards your spouse is negative then the way you speak to them is also going to be negative.
My husband and I spend most of our time together. If he isn’t at work he is usually with me and being 8 months pregnant on top of that makes it hard to continuously have a sweet, affectionate attitude.
The other day Lewis, my husband, came to see me on his lunch break when he had previously told me that he would be a few hours away and unable to make it back in time for lunch together. That had already set my mood for the day as I was annoyed at how little time we have been together lately that wasn’t spent cleaning the house, working, getting ready for the baby, or sleeping. The fact that he hadn’t given me a heads up that he actually would be in town to allow for me to have food ready to eat together made my attitude towards the whole situation sour. I was snippy with him and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy to see him. After he went back to work I spent some time thinking about it because I was sad he hadn’t had much time to visit and I realized that I wouldn’t be as upset if I had taken the time to actually enjoy getting to see him for the time that he had rather than spending it upset with each other because I was not being nice. I should have been overjoyed that I got to see him when I wasn’t expecting it. That made me realize that here lately I have had a bad attitude and it has really been affecting my marriage. I love my husband more than anything and he is my best friend but sometimes it is hard to not let little annoying habits (such as forgetting to at least send a text about last minute plan changes) get under our skin and poison our moods therefore harming our married life. There are several things that I have been working on to improve my attitude as well as the communication in my marriage that you can work on too.
One of the biggest factors when communicating with another person in my opinion is the tone in which you speak. I have noticed that sometimes Lewis or I will say something in just the right way while meaning it in another way and it can cause something so little as deciding how long to set the oven timer for dinner to cook to blow up into a huge argument. Last night Lewis and I were making meatloaf for dinner and he set the timer for an hour. I told him to set it for 45 minutes not an hour and the way I set it put him on edge which in turn caused him to not want to change the timer settings and instead we ended up arguing with each other about why the timer needed to be set a certain way even though in the end the meatloaf ended up needing to be cooked an hour and a half so we were both wrong. I realized that if I had just altered my tone the slightest bit then we could have entirely avoided that 20 minute quarrel and instead spent it happily preparing the rest of our meal still on speaking terms. I did apologize once I realized that the argument was my fault and I promised Lewis that I would do better to convey my tone in a more well-mannered way in the future.
Your tone is not the only thing that can transform your words. Body language can also change the seeming intent of your words and actions. On one hand, I am an open book. My face openly allows my emotions to be seen through my expressions and my body language is no different. Lewis however, I have the hardest time reading because he rarely seems to express things in a way that my mind comprehends. If something is bothering me and I tell him about it and he doesn’t change his demeanor then it is easy for me to just assume that he isn’t bothered at all when really that isn’t the case and he just doesn’t get worked up easily over the same things that I do. Also, he tends to believe that if I roll away from him and am silent or slow to respond then I must be upset with him when most of the time I am just getting into a more comfortable position. Paying attention to our stance as well as tone can really affect the way we come across to others, not just our spouses.
Changing your attitude can be a real life saver for your marriage. Holding onto a bad attitude can poison your heart and mind and change your behavior without you even noticing. In order to have a healthy relationship with another person we need to be kind, especially to love another person. Your attitude can be seen as a manifestation of what is in your heart so if you have a bad attitude then the best thing you can do is find the root of the problem and do something to change it so that you can enjoy your marriage as well as your life more whole-heartedly and genuinely.